MPW to Cell group
My cell group just multiplied today. 1 to 2. It's only been 8 months and already the cell group has grown to such a level that it has to be multiplied to 2. Good problem to have.
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My heart is burdened.
Today on the way to cell group at Bedok, I took the train with Wil and had dinner with him at the Bedok market. Wil brought something to my attention, which though I already knew.
He told me that alot of people don't believe I have the capability to lead a team for any major projects.
Now that, I wasn't too concerned, because I sorta already knew what most people were thinking. And well, I believed that even if I really couldn't lead, I would have to live with it, because that's who I am, and I don't have to prove otherwise to people.
But it spoke to something deeper in me. I always have had a problem speaking in front of people, especially unprepared. In a way, you could say I have a problem with self-esteem. Surprised? I still never got pass the stage of having true self-esteem subconsciously. Consciously, I would dismiss thoughts of self-doubt, but I sometimes I still stutter in front of people. I haven't gotten pass the subconscious part.
So when Wil spoke to me about it, I remembered the time when I was screaming on the inside. One part of it wanted to release all the energy to prove to everyone how good I could be, but the other part told me there was nothing to prove.
"So what you going to do to prove yourself?"
That evening in cell group, while we were singing a worship song, my cell group came over to me ( she went to some others too), and prayed for me, and this is the essence of the prayer that I will not forget:
I know sometimes you feel inadequate and unworthy, but I believe God is telling you this now, He's saying that your self-worth is not measured by your talents or your abilities, He sees your heart. He knows your heart, and let not your self-worth be subject to the things you have done. Yihan, Jesus is saying that He REALLY loves you. And let your self-worth be measured by His perfect love.
How? I don't remember telling her.
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.
She gave me an answer to the conversation I had with Wil earlier. Truly, God values me for who I am. My peers may value me according to their standards, but God loves me for who I am, not what I can do.
I was touched. I let a tear or two fall on the bus trip back.
The dance is important, but you are more important.
These words still ring in my head after those few days. It's great to know someone values you for who you are, not what you can do, isn't it?
How many people in school are only concerned about how much you can contribute to the project, how well you can do your assignments. People value you for your instrumental value to them, but here comes a unassuming girl, who learns to value people for they are i.e their intrinsic value.
It's not because of who I am, but who she is. What is this, but the love of Christ?
How many friends are you hoping that will value you for who you are? How many actually do? Many of us probably don't want to look at it in the face, because it reveals so much abt us, and about people around us.
Of cos people might say, I've had gf/bf or the like saying it to me before, but I say to you, the greater love is he who loved not out of likeness, but loved out of choice. It's easy to love someone when you like them, but to love because you are commanded to,and that's truly the love of Christ.
Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
I will never forget those words. I have said it, but I will say it again.
Today, in MPW class, I've seen how ugly people really are, with all the talk about office politics and stuff. People saying that we have learn them to survive in the workplace. Backstabbing, bitching, all about self-preservation.
"Guys say girls bitch alot, but I think guys bitch more than girls!"
"I think it is important to learn how office politics work!"
"It's about covering your own backside."
What are we looking for? Today Wil told me very successful prof once said, " I don't like to ask the question about why I wake up everyday for." We've seen it haven't we, success doesn't bring more happiness, more meaning into your life. Look at celebrities; drugs, sex, alcohol. It doesn't sound like the way to true joy.
Whoever finds his life will lose it..
How many of us in SMU are the same?How many of us today are losing our souls in the effort of trying to find success in life? How many are just running after that next position to lead, next opportunity to show well in front of profs? To what end?
I will never forget her words:
"God, I don't want my life anymore, you can have it!"
A little girl at the age of 14 said this to the Lord, because she was going to give up on life, and this day this lady around my age comes across as somebody with great confidence,and is a power-packed speaker, an emotionally strong individual and above all, a truly loving person. Her capacity to love is just astounding.
...and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
I look at one who loves much. And I turn back at people at my MPW class. The disparity is shocking, and ..sad. Such emptiness in their hearts.People whom the society considers 'made' are 'losing' it...
You talk about power. Compared to all my friends, and even among the scholars, she IS the most powerful. And I mean it, not in a abstract sense. She IS the greatest among all of us.On several aspects, I may be better than her, but looking at the power of love she wields in her hands, I can only give her my respect, honor and my willingness to submit.
Everyone has talents, but it is truly character that deserves to be admired.
Here's one that lost her life, but found it. And there's those who are still trying to find life, but in the process have already lost it.
My heart is burdened. It seems to be I've been focusing on the wrong things for so long.
Lord, I thank you for bringing her into my life, for truly she is your anointed child. And I thank you for you consider me worthy to be your child. Teach me to love, as you have loved me.
I have a great leader. She's my friend, too. =)
Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
------------------------------------------------------------------
My heart is burdened.
Today on the way to cell group at Bedok, I took the train with Wil and had dinner with him at the Bedok market. Wil brought something to my attention, which though I already knew.
He told me that alot of people don't believe I have the capability to lead a team for any major projects.
Now that, I wasn't too concerned, because I sorta already knew what most people were thinking. And well, I believed that even if I really couldn't lead, I would have to live with it, because that's who I am, and I don't have to prove otherwise to people.
But it spoke to something deeper in me. I always have had a problem speaking in front of people, especially unprepared. In a way, you could say I have a problem with self-esteem. Surprised? I still never got pass the stage of having true self-esteem subconsciously. Consciously, I would dismiss thoughts of self-doubt, but I sometimes I still stutter in front of people. I haven't gotten pass the subconscious part.
So when Wil spoke to me about it, I remembered the time when I was screaming on the inside. One part of it wanted to release all the energy to prove to everyone how good I could be, but the other part told me there was nothing to prove.
"So what you going to do to prove yourself?"
That evening in cell group, while we were singing a worship song, my cell group came over to me ( she went to some others too), and prayed for me, and this is the essence of the prayer that I will not forget:
I know sometimes you feel inadequate and unworthy, but I believe God is telling you this now, He's saying that your self-worth is not measured by your talents or your abilities, He sees your heart. He knows your heart, and let not your self-worth be subject to the things you have done. Yihan, Jesus is saying that He REALLY loves you. And let your self-worth be measured by His perfect love.
How? I don't remember telling her.
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.
She gave me an answer to the conversation I had with Wil earlier. Truly, God values me for who I am. My peers may value me according to their standards, but God loves me for who I am, not what I can do.
I was touched. I let a tear or two fall on the bus trip back.
The dance is important, but you are more important.
These words still ring in my head after those few days. It's great to know someone values you for who you are, not what you can do, isn't it?
How many people in school are only concerned about how much you can contribute to the project, how well you can do your assignments. People value you for your instrumental value to them, but here comes a unassuming girl, who learns to value people for they are i.e their intrinsic value.
It's not because of who I am, but who she is. What is this, but the love of Christ?
How many friends are you hoping that will value you for who you are? How many actually do? Many of us probably don't want to look at it in the face, because it reveals so much abt us, and about people around us.
Of cos people might say, I've had gf/bf or the like saying it to me before, but I say to you, the greater love is he who loved not out of likeness, but loved out of choice. It's easy to love someone when you like them, but to love because you are commanded to,and that's truly the love of Christ.
Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
I will never forget those words. I have said it, but I will say it again.
Today, in MPW class, I've seen how ugly people really are, with all the talk about office politics and stuff. People saying that we have learn them to survive in the workplace. Backstabbing, bitching, all about self-preservation.
"Guys say girls bitch alot, but I think guys bitch more than girls!"
"I think it is important to learn how office politics work!"
"It's about covering your own backside."
What are we looking for? Today Wil told me very successful prof once said, " I don't like to ask the question about why I wake up everyday for." We've seen it haven't we, success doesn't bring more happiness, more meaning into your life. Look at celebrities; drugs, sex, alcohol. It doesn't sound like the way to true joy.
Whoever finds his life will lose it..
How many of us in SMU are the same?How many of us today are losing our souls in the effort of trying to find success in life? How many are just running after that next position to lead, next opportunity to show well in front of profs? To what end?
I will never forget her words:
"God, I don't want my life anymore, you can have it!"
A little girl at the age of 14 said this to the Lord, because she was going to give up on life, and this day this lady around my age comes across as somebody with great confidence,and is a power-packed speaker, an emotionally strong individual and above all, a truly loving person. Her capacity to love is just astounding.
...and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
I look at one who loves much. And I turn back at people at my MPW class. The disparity is shocking, and ..sad. Such emptiness in their hearts.People whom the society considers 'made' are 'losing' it...
You talk about power. Compared to all my friends, and even among the scholars, she IS the most powerful. And I mean it, not in a abstract sense. She IS the greatest among all of us.On several aspects, I may be better than her, but looking at the power of love she wields in her hands, I can only give her my respect, honor and my willingness to submit.
Everyone has talents, but it is truly character that deserves to be admired.
Here's one that lost her life, but found it. And there's those who are still trying to find life, but in the process have already lost it.
My heart is burdened. It seems to be I've been focusing on the wrong things for so long.
Lord, I thank you for bringing her into my life, for truly she is your anointed child. And I thank you for you consider me worthy to be your child. Teach me to love, as you have loved me.
I have a great leader. She's my friend, too. =)
Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
posted by - W309 - at 9:50 AM
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